Ingat tak masa kita kecil-kecil dulu or for some even now...our parents always make the decision for us..? Baju apa nak pakai, apa yang kita patut makan, apa yang patut kita minum, ngan siapa kita boleh kawan, ngan siapa kita takleh kawan, how to behave, which words which should use and which words cannot be said ...?
Ya ya..aku boley nampak korang angguk-angguk kat situ...hehehe..
And do you know why they did all these..?
Well my friend, simply because diorang nak all the best things for us..nak kita nampak comey..nampak baik so that orang akan suka ngan kita, senang ngan kita and ultimately make our ma and pa proud too... Betoi tak...??? hehehe.... I believe all of us have this similar experience...
Same goes to my life and reminds me when i was aged maybe between 4-6... However, in my case, orang yang slalu decide for me was my eldest sister...jeng jeng jeng... One of the things yang masih jadik nostalgia kelakar in my life was, kakak slalu nak aku pakai baju ayu-ayu..comey comey... standard la kan cam budak budak pompuan lenlain tuh...but there was one huge problem...adik dia ni bukan la jenis yang 'standard' .... Actually, I was a lil bit tomboy dulu-dulu...and wearing gown or girly stuffs are totally taboo to me...a big NO! NO! in my dictionary...
Same goes to my life and reminds me when i was aged maybe between 4-6... However, in my case, orang yang slalu decide for me was my eldest sister...jeng jeng jeng... One of the things yang masih jadik nostalgia kelakar in my life was, kakak slalu nak aku pakai baju ayu-ayu..comey comey... standard la kan cam budak budak pompuan lenlain tuh...but there was one huge problem...adik dia ni bukan la jenis yang 'standard' .... Actually, I was a lil bit tomboy dulu-dulu...and wearing gown or girly stuffs are totally taboo to me...a big NO! NO! in my dictionary...
Nape jadik camtu..Hhmm...Being the only daughter in the family...I just love to wear whatever my elder brothers wore at that time...talked like them..played same games....hang out with same group of friends...pendek kata apa diorang buat aku nak buat sama...They became something like my idol la masa tuh..hehehe
Haih...camne taknye..siang malam pagi petang aku cuma nampak abang-abang, arwah pak su, and cousin-cousin lelaki yang lain je lebeh...My ma always outstation sebab menunaikan tugas di sempadan Sabah-Indonesia sebagai immigration staff...Same with my pa yang terpaksa keje lebih and travel di kawasan pedalaman untuk generate more income for the family...Ma and pa balik pun kejap-kejap je tengok baby dia nih...Walaupun sukar masa tu...but ma and pa were trying their best to be the best parents which they did and they are indeed.... :-)
So, the only pompuan (besides my grandma...my grandma nanti kita cerita di episode yang lain..) yang aku slalu tengok and slalu bersama aku was just kakak..Kakak memang garang banget deh but... she truly had a golden heart... :-)
However, despite of kegarangan dia tuh..dia soft hearted gak sebenarnye...berjiwa seni la gitu...Dia minat bidang photography (tu agaknye terjangkit kat aku sampai sekarang), theatre, drama, nasyid and boleh dikatakan almost all types of arts/ performing arts... Keje-keje amal ni memang sentiasa dalam jadual dia ah...So masa kecil aku banyak dihabiskan ngan siblings with kakak as the leader in the house...And.... dia ni pulak slalu suke buat kezutan kat aku...hehehe
So, the only pompuan (besides my grandma...my grandma nanti kita cerita di episode yang lain..) yang aku slalu tengok and slalu bersama aku was just kakak..Kakak memang garang banget deh but... she truly had a golden heart... :-)
However, despite of kegarangan dia tuh..dia soft hearted gak sebenarnye...berjiwa seni la gitu...Dia minat bidang photography (tu agaknye terjangkit kat aku sampai sekarang), theatre, drama, nasyid and boleh dikatakan almost all types of arts/ performing arts... Keje-keje amal ni memang sentiasa dalam jadual dia ah...So masa kecil aku banyak dihabiskan ngan siblings with kakak as the leader in the house...And.... dia ni pulak slalu suke buat kezutan kat aku...hehehe
Sometimes, tetiba je dia balik keje and said "dik mari sini dik...tengok nih apa kakak beli.." wah...aku kalau dia start guna ayat-ayat kata camtu..memang suspen giloss la aku jadiknye..."ni mesti dia dah beli baju yang ayu-ayu or rambu ramba lagi nih...suh aku pakai and then posing bagi dia tangkap gambar....wuahahaha...." Tapi aku tak berani pulak nak kata tak mau kat kakak masa tu coz ..."dia garang but she had a golden heart..... :-)" hehehe Aku risau gak nanti kalau aku kata tak mo dia tak belikan aku cokelat and bawak aku jalan-jalan pi pantai main-main kat tepi laut...oh tidakkkk!!
So aku pon dengan rela dalam paksa akan pakai la whatever fashion dia da beli and the best i could do at that time was buat muka herot sana sini and nak nangih...mempertahankan senyuman aku adalah satu penyeksaan....kakak tahu aku takkan bole tahan senyum more than 30 seconds...anything more than that i will burst...but kakak memang la a talented photographer...dia boleh gunakan split seconds of the moment yang dia ada tu untuk buat gambar tu nampak comey dan tak nampak ler muke hodoh aku nak nangis masa tu tanpa menyakitkan aku.. she made it very easy and acceptable... :-)
So aku pon dengan rela dalam paksa akan pakai la whatever fashion dia da beli and the best i could do at that time was buat muka herot sana sini and nak nangih...mempertahankan senyuman aku adalah satu penyeksaan....kakak tahu aku takkan bole tahan senyum more than 30 seconds...anything more than that i will burst...but kakak memang la a talented photographer...dia boleh gunakan split seconds of the moment yang dia ada tu untuk buat gambar tu nampak comey dan tak nampak ler muke hodoh aku nak nangis masa tu tanpa menyakitkan aku.. she made it very easy and acceptable... :-)
Bila aku tengok balik gambar-gambar lepas aku..aku gelak sendiri and most of all, i missed kakak so much....Memang banyak la aku habihkan masa aku ngan kakak dulu...and aku paling suke tengok dia deklamasi sajak... hiks3...
Tapi yelah..orang kata "good people dying young"...Unfortunately kakak left us quite early..at the age of mid 20's..Allah dah jemput kakak from us... Sometimes I wish I could turn back time to safe her so that she can be with me again... How I wish I was bigger and stronger enough to protect her... But well, Allah lebih sayangkan kakak....dan Allah lebih mengetahui apa yang terbaik untuk hambaNya...
Now, everytime aku amik gambar sunset ke...scenary ke..aku ingat kakak..Aku tengok theatre aku rasa kakak ada kat situ gak...aku dengar drama radio....aku ingat cerita-cerita yang kakak pernah tulis dan lakonkan....In short, kakak sentiasa hidup di dalam aku...dan hakikatnya "Aku sepi tanpa kamu..."
Now, everytime aku amik gambar sunset ke...scenary ke..aku ingat kakak..Aku tengok theatre aku rasa kakak ada kat situ gak...aku dengar drama radio....aku ingat cerita-cerita yang kakak pernah tulis dan lakonkan....In short, kakak sentiasa hidup di dalam aku...dan hakikatnya "Aku sepi tanpa kamu..."
Al-Fatihah untuk kakak...
